10 years ago today, I became what I now think of as being a survivor.
10 years ago today, I was out of my element, out of my body.
10 years ago today, I shook violently, more angry than scared.
10 year ago today, I felt like a victim of chance.
I have come a long way since that day. I have thought of this 10 year bench mark for so many years now. I have thought of ways I could commemorate the feeling that I have now, which is dominance over my fear and my experience.
Let me tell you what I promised myself 10 years ago.
I promised myself that I would be married in 10 years. I promised myself that I would be married on Saturday, September 10, 2011. It's just an outrageous fantasy that one dreams of when they are 16, right? (hint: I'm getting married on 9/10/11)
It was the same year, 10 years ago, the horrible awful day, when our country was trespassed against and our Twin Towers fell. It felt like too personal of a loss.
I promised myself that I would be "better" by today. I am more than "better," folks.
There is so much healing and love that has gone into this process. I promise that if you are going through it, I am not gloating. You can get here. There have been deep conversations not only with myself, but with God and with friends. It has taken a commitment to myself and letting myself feel when I need to. There is always help around you. Don't feel alone. Don't feel afraid to ask for help. You will get through this. I'm not done with this journey, I'm not done with my healing. But it does get better. Most of all, don't forget to love yourself, even when your body betrays you.
with love and compassion,
yours most truly,
Reina
