Just as a warning for people reading this, I'm angry. Not at the person I have to forgive but at a situation. My friend is in a painful situation and feels trapped and as a friend, all I can offer her is my advice. I want her to be safe and free of hurt but I can't make decisions for her and that sucks a lot.
PS for those of you reading this... I hope you're enjoying the random self portraits of me. Hehe.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive somebody for
I know you feel that it's in my best interest not to marry a Marine. You're scared that he'd get killed if he got deployed. Well, it's a possibility that I'm scared of too. But that's what he signed up to do. To protect THIS country. I love him and I want to support him in that. Also, it's not a matter of if he'll get deployed, because he will. It's not just once but during this wretched war, it will be multiple times. I will start to count the deployments rather than the passing seasons or years. But this is my choice to support who I will. I forgive you that you make it painfully obvious to me each time the wedding comes up that you ask "are you sure you want to marry him?" I don't take that personally for him because it's not him that you are worried about, it's the uniform, the commitment.
I also forgive you that you aren't active or really willing to help plan the wedding. I forgive you when people ask if you're coming to my dress shopping. I forgive you when I think about the Bridal Shower that I won't have. I'm not bitter. I have just gotten over the fact that you will not be present in this part of my life. Wedding planning is absolutely fun. I love it but I wish you were at least part of it. Maybe you'd vote down things I love, like my dress... so maybe it's good you're not.
I love you, and I appreciate your support when I need it. I recognize that you live across the world. But that was YOUR choice to leave me. For that I forgive you. But for making me feel like where you are is my home is wrong. Where I am is where I have desperately carved myself a little hole to call home.
I forgive you for making me feel this upset before 9 am (It really wasn't all your fault anyway).